***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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