U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
