I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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