Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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