my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
