I've blown a few things in my day
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
