I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
