I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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