he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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