I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
