i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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