Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
