I will die if light touches me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
