he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
