Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
