listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
