I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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