I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
