I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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