Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
