Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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