he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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