I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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