i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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