So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
