Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
