On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
