dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
