it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
