why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
