I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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