Me. At least after what I've been through.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
