I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
