he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
