I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
