Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
