You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
