I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
