Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
