I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize