Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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