If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
