he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
