he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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