How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
