meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
