we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
