i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
