Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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