He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
