I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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