i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
