I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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