1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
