I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
