Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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