Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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