So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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