She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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