also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
