they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
