Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
