if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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