I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
