my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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