Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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